Nature & Relationships
Hello! My name is Caz Campbell. I’ve lived in Newbury most of my life, I’m a mum of two daughters who are 5 & 7 and I have three other job “hats” which are all on my website: www.happykindcalm.co.uk I teach baby massage, I’m an emotional coach and I’ve published a book focusing on happiness, kindness and calmness. It’s called “Donkey on a Waffle” and includes topics which I’m going to talk about in this blog.
Since Monday, we’ve been allowed to see a bit more of family and friends, so I thought this would be a nice topic! As it has been Easter holidays, we’ve been spending most days outside as it means we can see another family in a garden, woods or park… even if this means sticking it out in the wind, rain and snow!! We went to Wellington Country Park yesterday and it was such a lovely day – from daffodils to donkeys and dinosaurs, sheep to sandpits and slides. But the best thing was meeting up with one of my best friends and her children – who haven’t seen my children in so long.
People generally feel happier and benefit from stress relief after catching up with friends and I certainly feel it after our days out and catching up with friends again. Although I am a sociable introvert – meaning I love social meet ups but actually find them really tiring, which I’m noticing a lot more now as I’m not used to it anymore! I do feel for those extroverts out there who may have really struggled during lockdowns.
I’ve had a good few conversations with people who have realised things over this last year about who they spend their time with. Being forced into lockdowns and not being able to be a social butterfly has made a lot of us re-evaluate who is important to us.
Studies that look at various influences of peoples’ overall well-being, suggest that age, gender, salary and even health issues don’t make a difference to happiness. The factor that has the biggest effect is having meaningful relationships.
Communication is the key to any relationship, whether it’s a partner, child, friend or colleague. Saying your piece can be important, and aiming to express your values is key, rather than being right. Bringing up a problem can be tough but what makes it easier is focusing on their behaviour, not them as a person, e.g., “I don’t like the way you walk out the room when I’m still talking” instead of “you’re selfish and inconsiderate”. (Yes, this was a personal one for me!)
Trying to understand where the other person is coming from is also important, by asking them questions and listening to them properly. Allowing someone to express themselves may help them see the issue differently and may also let you reconsider your own views. Most behaviours have a positive intent – meaning there’s usually something positive that a person is trying to achieve. Even if a behaviour seems negative, searching for the reason behind it can help ease any conflict. Showing yourself compassion after a conflict is also key. Amends can be made and people who love you should respect the fact you’ve expressed what’s true for you.
“People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel”