Another week and yet another lockdown with closed recycling. My sister keeps working hard in an ICU unit and thankfully had her vaccine. Hats off for everyone in the front line. As my own anxiety is bubbling within, the only calming influence is humour. 

            Although the healthcare system is too busy dealing with the pandemic, the local A&E might be missing treating those humans who were attacked by an Inanimate object or presented with ‘strange’ injuries.

            It is known amongst the medical community, that an injured man presented to an A&E who wanted to recreate a correct Christmas present delivery procedure. In case he was to fall off the roof, he tied a long rope to his car and the other end to his abdomen. Whilst he was throwing presents down the chimney his unsuspecting wife, not noticing the rope, drove off to do last minute Christmas shopping. Thankfully he wasn’t badly injured…

            Now we move onto inanimate objects. Many seek A&E treatment for they were seriously harmed by pens, vacuum cleaners, eggs, ping pong balls, cucumber… (don’t have enough space to list them all).  Surprisingly its common for an A&E staff to dislodge a human’s body part from a vacuum hose which attacked their unsuspected owner! 

            Same goes for other mentioned items – it’s strongly advisable to note the location where you hid your Easter hunt eggs as well as pens used to write up Easter/Christmas cards. So many owners get tricked by these naughty items which roll into the precise location for where they sit. The rest you can imagine – a slapping sound of a surgical glove followed by wording ‘please bend over and relax’. On some occasions it is more serious ending up in a surgery. 

            At least there is some hope. Some lucky patients sit on a cheeky chocolate egg which melts by the time they present to an A&E. In this case the medic calms the patient that no untoward effects will be suffered from ingesting a chocolate egg via their rear end. However, think of those unlucky patients being pranked by a hardboiled / plastic egg!

            Medics have regular stern discussions with cheeky biros which place themselves in the ‘bottom line’. They are tricky to remove intact. Not to mention that next day the patient must waddle to the local shop to purchase another pen to finish their cards with. Thus introducing yet another dangerous item into their household. 

            To sum up, please help our A&E NHS staff and ensure that your vacuum, pen, eggs, Ping-Pong ball, tennis balls, cucumbers and so on are properly secured! The dangers are real…

1. Karst 

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