Hello! My name is Caz Campbell. I’ve lived in Newbury most of my life, I’m a mum of two daughters who are 5 & 7 and I have three other job “hats”: I teach baby massage, I’m an emotional coach and I’ve published a book focusing on happiness, kindness and calmness. It’s called “Donkey on a Waffle” and includes topics which I’m going to talk about in this blog. Feel free to join my free Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/818543508893746
What is Emotional Coaching?
I work using Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP) and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) with mainly children and teenagers, but also adults. Every person is unique and has various moods or issues they want to work on, therefore every session is different and tailored to the client. A short explanation is that it’s about teaching young people how all feelings are fine to have, and these feelings are parts of us. However, sometimes we don’t want certain feelings to be so strong. So I teach lots of ways for us to understand and cope with feelings, using a creative, magic bag of things like drawing, stories, jigsaws and imagination that mainly comes from the client. For young children, we learn to use our feelings or “superpowers” such as brave, confident, happy, calm, self-worth etc to help us. With teenagers and adults it can be different language and analogies, but the basis is the same!
One of the main points which I love is that no child is bad, and no feeling is bad – every feeling is actually trying to help us in some way. It’s about empowering the client to work out how they’d like to change to make things better for themselves.
Children are usually brilliant at expressing their emotions, and naming quite a few of them. As adults we learn to mask our emotions from others as well as ourselves, we tend to suppress and distract. The best thing we can do is be compassionate with ourselves and give unconditional permission to feel our feelings. When you feel safe enough to let your guard down, whether that’s alone or with someone you trust – you can focus on a situation, fully experience the feelings and may then be able to better understand why it hurts and what you want to do about it.
If you are feeling an emotion that you want to address, if you name it and admit it, it frees you up to do something about it. Describe a negative emotion in a word or two and it helps reduce that emotion. However, you don’t want to define yourself as that emotion, so you want to notice the feeling. Saying “I feel stressed” is healthier and more manageable than saying “I am stressed”.
An evolutionary approach reminds us that negative as well as positive emotions have value. E.g., It was useful for our ancestors to feel anxious about coming across a bear in a forest, as it mean they’d prepare better – smearing themselves in mud or planning a clever route.
Anxiety feels like a negative emotion but it can be useful. It shows you care about something and it can actually help motivate you.
However, you don’t want anxiety to be in control as it can be overwhelming and feel horrible, even debilitating. When learning to sing or in yoga, you’re told to breathe from your belly – called diaphragmatic breathing – and have relaxed but tall posture. Breathing and posture are great ways to calm anxiety down too – relaxing your body, all your muscles, and letting your belly go out and in, without your shoulders lifting or chest rising.
Anxiety can be heavily associated with control so it’s good to gain clarity on what you can and can’t control.
If you’d like to find out more about emotional coaching, my website is: www.happykindcalm.co.uk