Emotional Health & Wellbeing with Caz Campbell | West Berkshire Villagers
Hello! My name is Caz Campbell. I’ve lived in Newbury most of my life, I’m a mum of two daughters who are 5 & 7 and I have three other job “hats”: I teach baby massage, I’m an emotional coach and I’ve published a book focusing on happiness, kindness and calmness. It’s called “Donkey on a Waffle” and includes topics which I’m going to talk about in this blog. Feel free to join my free Facebook group which also discusses these topics, with fun facts, posts and chats: https://www.facebook.com/groups/818543508893746
Lockdown restrictions are easing gradually and a lot of us are planning social events, visiting friends and family, possibly even holidays! However, some of us are cautious and some of us liked the slower pace of lockdown and not having to see so many people, especially those we don’t get on so well with. So is it a good time to set boundaries within yourself?
It’s a very common problem that people spend so much of their time doing things for others, they become overwhelmed, stressed, fed up and frustrated. It’s taught to us by parents and caregivers from a young age that we’ll receive love, attention or approval if we do things for them. So most of us are “people pleasers” to an extent, but there needs to be a balance so we have the self-respect to live our lives on our own terms – in our personal and work life.
People can struggle to set boundaries, especially with people you may perceive to be more powerful than you or where you want people to like you and not upset them. It’s a natural assumption to think if you set boundaries people will either push back or not like you, but how do you know this is true? And if it was true, is that relationship one you want to have? Boundaries are there for clarity and for all parties to feel safe and happy. They also affect your confidence, dignity, self-respect, emotions and energy levels.
You may have been consistently let down by someone, but you justify their actions in one way or another. Or you may be putting in the majority of the effort and work into a relationship. It’s OK to re-examine a relationship and start saying no. You may have mixed feelings about creating and maintaining your boundaries. You may feel guilt at not being the people-pleaser any more – especially if others are wanting you to meet their needs without question. You may feel uncomfortable asserting yourself but if you don’t do it, it’s unlikely anyone else will do it for you!
It’s equally important to become aware of and to respect other people’s boundaries too, and their right to have them – even if you don’t agree with them, or they irritate or restrict you!
Two Tasks To Try!
- Write a list of 10 things you would like to do. This can be simple things like going for a walk or bigger things like learning a new skill. But they should all be things that you would like to do from a position of positive choice and not from a sense of guilt, fear or duty.
- Say no to something you don’t want to do, whether it’s staying late at work or an activity. Saying no may make the world of difference to you and your stressful or busy week, and may not make a big difference to anyone else.
If you’d like to find out more about me and what I do, my website is: www.happykindcalm.co.uk